GOODELL SUSPENDS TRUMPS HAIR
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| Goodell chewing gum at his surprise press conference |
In a surprise press meeting, embattled NFL commissioner has announced that he has suspended Donald Trump's hair from all NFL games and public appearances because it is "weird and distracting."
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| Donald Trump arriving at Goodell's office to challenge him to a fist fight at the NFL offices flagpole in downtown New York. |
During the meeting Goodell emphatically stated, "Rules are rules and I cannot allow even Donald Trump to break them. The NFL has not ever enforced any rule pertaining to hair but after reading my best friend's independent investigation into Donald Trump's hair, I have no choice but to suspend Donald Trump's hair indefinitely from the NFL."
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| Yet another picture of Ted Wells failing to look like Tom Selleck from the hit TV show Magnum P.I. |
When asked about whether his investigation was fair and independent, lead lawyer Ted Wells said, "Yup it's fair. Although we have been best friends since childhood and he has paid me millions of dollars to investigate NFL cases in the past, I have the strength to put all that aside and independently look at the evidence. What I found was that Donald Trump's hair is more probably than not, weird and distracting."
Donald Trump responded to Goodell's decision by calling Goodell a "complete moron," and then challenged Goodell to a good old fashioned fight at the flagpole in front of the NFL offices after all week seven games were over.
